Friday, April 04, 2003

PG: family constellations

About 14 people have joined in on this 2 days event called family constellations. We are sitting in a wide circle in this empty room, all with our backs against the wall. Marije invites me to sit next to her. She wants to know my question.

I don´t know. Its like something is missing in my life. I tell her my feeling of a painted bird. As if the stork had dropped me on the wrong planet. She asks me if i want to have a look. I say yes i do. And then she says find the person in this group who will be your representant.

I look around and ask J. He agrees and stands up. I am instructed to stand behind J, place my hands on his shoulders, let go of all thoughts and follow my hands. We walk into this empty center of the room. I feel huge turbulent emotions inside. I turn him to the right, face towards the stove. Then Marije tells me to pick a seat. I go sit by the stove. Then i notice J is looking at me, i am right in front of his face. I dont want this, so i move out of his sight.

J stands in the middle. Marije asks him how the representant of Ronald is doing. J says he feels uncomfortable. He is unable to move. We wait to see what happens.

The pressure is hardly bearable. Then suddenly S joins the constellation. I have never seen this before. He says i am pulled into this system and i don´t know why. Marije says ok find your place. S stands behind J. His belly touches J´s back, and his arms are strait forward. And then S starts marching forward, pushing J along.

As they march forward, L steps in. She says she is also pulled into the constellation. This i have never experienced in all cases when i was representant. The colonne is marching strait at her. S tries to march on, pushing J along, but L blocks them when S tries to squeeze J and her against the wall. The march is coming to an end. S marches on with his feet but he does not push any more. And then L goes and sits at J´s feet, with her back against the other two. J holds her hands.

Suddenly S starts marching backwards. His arms squeeze J who is pulled backwards with him. As S and J move back, L is pulled with them. She is literally dragged over the floor as the march continues. Marije asks me if i recognize this. I am deeply moved by the sight of it all. I point at J and shout hysterically "You see? I am stuck!"

The constellation goes on, other people are invited in. But this is what its all about. I dont know what it means, but i feel deep truth in what i just saw.