Monday, June 12, 2006

PG: Reasons to say NO when somebody offers to make you RICH

Should you need any help with cash flow, consider Dennis Barker. Dennis has been one of the first people on Ecademy who i associated my work with. He and i met on several occasions in London.

Let me share you something that happened to me today. I saw Dennis's ad where he said "if you would like to invest in personal growth, and you are faced with the situation that you have no funds, then this is something i can help you with".
What happened then? I felt anxious to phone Dennis and ask him for help ! That is ridiculous, isn't it? I mean, he and i are on the same path, we are best friends, and i won't let him touch my objections to retrieve the funds that would enable me to personally grow !

When i thought of what was going on, i came to realize that there exists in fact two or more opinions inside me. One is where i really want to further invest in personal growth. The Avatar Wizard course would cost 11k dollars, and that would be a great step forward for me. The other opinion is that i should not run out of objections to personal growth ; what if i had no more external reason that i could attribute my inability to grow to ? And then i wondered if this second opinion might actually have something to do with love. Deep inside me i can feel how i do not wish this second opinion to come out of the shadow and into the sunlight of my consciousness ; how deep down i know and acknowledge the fact that questioning my belief will alter them - and i fear the results. For one i might come to the conclusion that i spent all this energy prohibiting myself all these years, and that i would no longer be able to find any good reason why. And to the other i might now think that i am sacrificing something of me, to the better of the person i love in this act of keeping my low selfesteem; and that this other person, once i tell them about my act, would deny the importance of my act, or even tell me that it meant nothing to them.
I wonder if ever i could live with such a situation. And maybe this is why i refuse help.