Do i have a big EGO ? Please enlighten me...

I just finished a three days MLM (multi level marketing) college.

One of the things i learned was that in MLM the system comes first and the ego comes second.
What you really want to achieve is to duplicate yourself in other people.

I have a big problem with this. My journey on the question of "What is Attention?" was triggered by a desire that i have to be free, to be able to make my own choices. And when i realized that i need attention from other people, that my need of attention from other people was so big that i would , time and again , react instead of respond... that's when i wondered about attention and who is this i that needs attention.

With the MLM college came the realisation that , in order to be successfull, i need to duplicate myself and i need to get out of the way when my duplicates start to be active. In short, my ego needs to make room for the system.

I try to understand the lesson that the system is simple and the ego makes it complex.
I try to understand that the i is in fact the ego. It is the ego that needs attention.

So when i ask the question of "what is attention?" it is in fact the ego asking this question, and once again it is the ego begging for attention.

What should i do?

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I do not recognise you as someone with a big ego but you seem to be saying that you are someone seeking attention. I do not believe it is the same thing.

Now you got me thinking !

Head in the clouds, feet on the earth. I feel stretched. What should i do?

For the last two years i researched head in the clouds. Basically what it taught me is that mind is death and intuition is life. The fear of death is the fear of not being able to return to death once i start to live.

When i was three, my grandfather died. My grandfather represents death ; i want to be with him. In family constellations, my grandfather would say : "go on, live for a while, and then you can join me here." The fear of saying goodbye to my grandfather is what fear of death means to me.

Since age 16 or so, i got heavily interested in the ancient world of the Japanese samurai. Samurai choose death each and every time, because they feel they can not live unless they choose death. When they fight with their swords, the most certain way to lose their life is by protecting (= paying attention to) their own life. Samurai can not win the fight unless they have gone through the process of visualising themselves dying in the fight, and no longer care (=pay attention) about it any more. When the opponent steps forward with their sword, they will not retreat but step forward without any thought of being stabbed.

As i am typing these words, just following my fingers and reading back what just came out, i see that these two paragraphs have really the same message. To live means to no longer pay attention to death ; it means to have faith , to trust , that whatever i do i can not be separated from my ancestors.

I hope this makes sense to me. And grandpa, where ever you are... I wish you were here with me. I wish i were with you. When i pay all of my attention to my intuition, it is then that i feel his presence. And have no more wishes.
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I-Name: =Ronald.Wopereis
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