The situation is that i find it hard to express my self.
I setup my mind to be in a receptive state,
to translate to images and words that,
which my body has to say.
My biological body is a fusion of the bodies of my father and of my mother,
Their bodies, in return, are a fusion of the bodies of their fathers and their mothers.
I contemplate if it is possible that my problems are in fact their problems,
I contemplate if my body is susceptible to the same energies that their bodies were susceptible to.
Were, because my parent bodies are no longer alive.
I have this problem that has been with me for so long.
A deeply felt sense of ... what is it?
Fear? Responsibility? The pain of humanity?
I am not sure.
I wonder if this sense is a reaction from my body.
I wonder if i inherited this from my parents.
Maybe they felt the same.
What if they, in return, got this same sense, from their parents?
What if the problem that i hold for so long, is not mine, is not theirs either?
I realize that it is the same situation for me as it is for my parents.
I feel that i will be set free if my parents give their problem back to their parents,
and their parents in return give it back to theirs,
perhaps all the way back to Adam and Eve,
the original sin.
And now,
contemplating all this, i realize,
i must make the first step.
My parents can not give back their problem, unless i give it back to them first.
I come to realize that i felt this need to solve their problem,
and the fact that i can not solve my problem suggests,
that it is not my problem at all.
So now i imagine that the problem is not mine,
i still don't know who owns the problem,
but i feel the reaction of my body.
I feel joy and relief, so i know i am on the right path.
Now i consider the next question, of giving the problem back to my parents
I have no answer for them as to the question of : is this yours?
I only know that i trust them to do with the problem as i have done,
since i am they and they are me.
If i can do it, they can do it.
In fact, there is no option that they are less capable than me,
for how could i be me unless they were them ?
My mind understands all this,
and i can start the process of grief,
of saying farewell to all the energy that i put into solving someone else's problem.
I feel that it is difficult to let go of the problem.
A huge gap opens up now that i have no longer this problem.
What will i do? How to give a new meaning to my life?
This is what i came to understand as the paradox of problems that can not be solved
Best regards, Ron
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