Saturday, January 03, 2009

Driving my attention vehicle

This blog first posted on

The story keeps coming back to me so i need to express it.

Some time ago i was part of a team.
There was an important demo planned on friday.
The planner forgot to ask me if i was available on fridays.

I had other plans on friday.
On thursday evening at 7pm, the demo was not ready yet.

We were kicked out of the building by the security officer.
"Building is closing today".

I wasn't going to go back on friday to finish the demo.
But i felt bad about leaving the team.

So i headed back home, a 3 hour train ride
Then, the walk from the home town train station back home, 15 minutes more.

Almost there, the thought re-appeared inside me that i had left the team.

I thought of it some more, and then i found it.
This was about me, the expert, solving problems that no other team member could do.
They needed me !

And then i laughed about myself. How would i know? These people might know a lot more than i do.

So then and there, about a minute before my doorstep, i decided that i would change the direction of my attention.
I kicked out this idea of "the great Ron" and replaced it by a feeling of trust, an inner certainty that the team as a whole would be able to find the solution in time.

i felt my skin glowing and i felt a deep sense of pride
as if the work was already done.

one more time the thought crept inside me "can they do it?"
and then i again realized that the "they" was as much ego as the "me" - it was yet another expression of "they need me"
which, by that time, i knew was the same as
"i do hope they need me?"

and again i laughed
joy about me
and my ego had fun too !

so we were laughing together,
me and my mind, my ego,
walking the last steps to the front door,

it couldn't have been more than 30 seconds,
the door knob in my hand,
my phone rings.

it is one of the team members
"I found it ! " he said

This true story happened somewhere in september 2008.
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